mentally.andphysically.ijustwannadie.ijustwannagiveup.but.ican't
cosilu.idunwannajustletitbe.but.iminoverload.i'velongpastmylimit.canijustgiveup?
SOMEONE.JUSTKILLME!PLS?
just came back fm kayaking.. fucking tired.. mentally.. emotionally.. and physically drained.. like.. no more at all.. can barely hold myself up to walk..
kinda pissed too.. just.. dunno larh.. mabbie i'll just have a briedf update on today..
kinda like.. after we put down.. ard 2.30.. was abt to slp when SGH decided to call.. concerning that bastard who still wanna take his fucking life.. great.. rushed all the way down in a cab.. costed me almst like.. wad? 30 plus bucks lorh (inclding dial a cab)!! better still.. arrived there onli to find him.. slping soundly in his bed/ward.. FUCK MAN!! lost my slp. and wasted money.. and rushed there to find him slping? fuck sia.. at least like.. reach there to see him holding a knife or smthg.. at least.. worth it.. but.. oh wells.. at least he's safe.. (for now)
came back in a cab.. so tts like.. 60 bucks in like.. 2 hrs? reached home.. tried to slp.. suffered fm insomia.. cldn't slp.. not even a bit..
woke up at like.. 7.. at least.. half slpt till 7.. woke up.. kinda grumpy and still moody cos of wad hpned in the wee mornings.. went to bukit timah hill.. to hike.. like. just b4 i woke up. recieved a msg... saying.. he woke up le.. and decided to kill himself again.. i was like.. fuck larh.. din get a gd start.. and was looking fwd to the hike.. and time w her later..
hhike went okay.. kinda relaxed abit.. but still kinda angry and pissed and moddy and yada yada.. was going into overload..(as she said)
hmmM.. came back.. to try to take a break.. a nap.. b4 i even got into bed.. msg say.. he's trying again.. and he's blaming me ONCE again.. like.. everyone is.. i was like.. fuck him larh..
doubt u'll be reading this entry.. but.. if u ever do.. or.. mabbie someone will pass the info to u.. u noe wad? fuck u man.. u wanna die.. just... fucking go and die.. i dun care le.. so wad if ur my nbest fren.. rather.. WAS my best fren? u wanna die.. go ahead.. nd my help? i most certainly will help u..
oh wells.. fuming mad and moddy and this and tt.. but the tot of meeting her and spending tm w her.. kinda cool me down some what.. even if lei was there..
reached ECP.. macs there.. onil to find thema t costa sands.. so.. walk lorh.. even tho i got a fucking blister.. whiuch threaten to tear any moment.. well.. good news.. it din.. at least.. till i left.. reached there.. slacked ard.. made lei tell me sm stuffs.. wasn't much.. but yea.. just the starting.. den the rest of the yf came le.. so was supposed to go back there.. wanted the two to join us.. but.. they din wanna go.. i was like.. comeon.. i mean like.. its ard her i kinda.. cool down and all.. u noe.. hoping for some care and concern and love.. and yada yada.. but.. oh wells.. was made to go to meet yf alone.. i kinda like.. asked them.. to join me.. cos.. i din wanna go back alone.. i wanted to be w her.. u noe.. at least.. dowanna dwell on that fucking bastard who wanna die but can't.. oh well.. brave my fucking blister which so decided to tear.. at tt moment.. the min i went like.. -whatevA- yea.. was kinda pissed lorh.. haiz.. dunno larh..
u noe.. was just hoping for some concern? and kinda wanted to spend time w u.. hoping tt.. just being w u will kinda cool me down.. and i wanna noe wads bothering ya... me dead worried abt u.. budden.. oh wells.. it kinda just.. haiz.. nvm..
just wanna skip the rest of the next part.. onli thg is tt the fucking blister bleed like nobody's busniess.. kinda turned the kayak red?
im fucking in overload.. why? thks to tt bastard who keeps wanting to die.. to my worrying abt u.. all im hoiping for is.. just.. some love.. concern.. but.. got chased away.. i mean.. i dun regret being with you.. but.. right now.. im fucking tired.. mentally and physically.. i dun have str to carry on le.. if this conts on.. in 2 wks.. mabbie less.. cos of the church camp.. i may just give up.. everythg.. i hope in.. i wish for.. everythg.. mabbie even giving up on life.. im too tired.. i can't even hold myself up jsut now.. oh wells..
im just.. thining.. im human.. i have my limits.. im not God.. nor superman.. im tired.. all im asking is.. some care.. not tt u dun gimme.. nor others.. but.. i dunno.. mabbie.. like i've said.. im demanding.. im selfish.. i want thgs my way.. oh wells.. as ive said.. i understand if........ u noe.... yupps..
i need to recharge.. a long time.. alone.. with God.. yea.. ur not at fault yar? ur not to be blamed.. its cos.. im weak.. i can't handle my own life and i try to guan abt others.. oh wells.. dun worry abt me.. i'll be fine.. see u soon.. luv ya..
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