long day ytd.. (tue) medical in the morn.. was like.. totally shitty lorh.. basket.. but oh well.. managed to lie tt the medical was for my transfer to chelsea and all.. haha.. lolX.. dunno how many pple like.. fell for tt lie.. lolX...

hmmM.. kinda spent ytd after noon w jie.. haha.. went to catch a movie.. den went rnd slacking.. (yea.. was "forced to put up w her whining cos she cldn't find her dolphin.. and moreover.. called me a pig,dog,and wad else?? bully me.. gonna start crying..) dunno.. just in a good mood.. ytd and today..kinda larh.. dunno why.. haha.. haha..=) oh yea.. like.. realised tt jie's darling denYSE ( <---- jie.. i sp correct sia.. must call me clever.. i reallie sound like my lil cuz..) was like.. super cutely small.. haha.. small cute.. small sized.. haha.. =) yupps.. hopefully.. get to see jie in her U tml.. den meeting my darling cuz.. oh well.. nite peeps...

nv tot tt i wld have to make this kinda decisions.. decisions tt either make or break frenship..
i can't take it anymore.. im soo drained.. drained mentally.. emotionally.. physically.. shit.. i can't stand it.. i jsut wanna die.. just die.. to solve all my problems.. to get away fm them.. dying is a painless escape fm the shit im getting.. the pain im recieving.. the hurt im causing myself to have.. if onli there's a better way out than dying or leaving.. but.. there isn't.. and i have no hcoice but to take this decision.. wad do i have?? nth!! i nd help.. wad do i get?? shit.. backstabbers.. honestly.. how many times have i like.. soaked my pillow.. i can't count.. the pain is just to real.. there's just so much tt time cannot erase.. there's nth wrong w crying.. its just tt why am i crying?? why am i letting tears flow down? for wad reason?? good reason?? why?? the feeling im having.. is the same.. as.. u losing a family member.. or smone u treasure or love like.. alot.. tt u wld go thru shit for this person.. oh well.. i'd just try to cope w it.. everyone's looking at me.. staring at me.. its so unnearving.. but i gotta stay strong.. i gotta put up a fight.. i can't lose this battle.. cos if i do.. me alive is no diff fm me dead.. tts all i can say..


red stains just stay..
unable to wash them away..
resorts to scrabbing them..
for they tell a whole new story..
stories tt tell of the pain i feel inside..
heck..
it might just be a glimpse of hurt tt i do feel..
will it ever go away??
as soon as the brokeness in me heals..
i guess tt..
it wun..
till den..
to treat the pain inside me..
the pain outside of me shall be my ruler..
to overpower the pain inside..
till den.....
it stays...........................................