i shall just like. keep myself occupied.

im just gonna try to rot this week and probably the following week, and try to find a job by the start of march.

and im intending to work till, may. and then go NS.
and im just gonna focus on working and enjoying myself, splurging my cash on like, clothes, a DSLR (think im getting the cannon leh) and see how la. wadeva money i have left, shall just. let it rot in my bank. haha.

aiyah. dont know la.
suddenly. i got no mood to club. i mean. yar. no mood, wanted to go today, but im like. just. fricking bored. i dont know why man. i just. feel that i shdn't. or smthg. haha. dont know la. aiyah. dont know la.


anyway.

im super duper lost la.
its a crossroads that im currently at.

should i cont to go str? or turn left or turn right?

fuck. i dont know how to eg leh.....



A long day alone
Emptiness is so real
Never having peace of mind
Running from what I can't sing
And there is nowhere left to hide
Turn and face these empty lies
All alone, heart unturned
Trying to find

Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

I try to find myself
I find the stranger trapped inside
And I'll take one more step away
From the face I used to recognize
Familiar shadows closing in
Suffocating fear descends
You killed a life, uncovered eyes

I'm trying to find
Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Break me down
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down [repeat]

Break me!




know something? im soooo.. tempted to just. hurt myself. but NO. i shan't. instd. i'll drown myself in. beer.. root beer. haha. no gin. i HATE gin, and i got no money to buy vodka, so .. beer, root beer. haha. im gonna fucking grow fat! all the fat i lost will come back to me. like.. man.. haha. okay. aiyah. im really damn FAN now la. im like. confused. and lost and messed up and all.. aiyah. this sucks. so i think i'll just go run. yes. right now. i do stupid things. i'll just run for hours and hours. i think i'll run till daylight.


fine. i htnk i'll just come back after 30 mins. haha. okay. mabbie i shouldn't run. the last time i did. i set a personal best for 4.8 km. haha. =) nono. i shouldn't. too blardy scary. haha



aiyah. im just crapping. i really should do smthg. i mean, really do something.

ohoh. i've just thought of something.

its like im addicted. so how to cure addiciotn? its called. COLD TURKEY! yes. i shoudl cold turkey myself. cos no one's gonna get hurt well. expt me if i cont on. so. i shd just cold turkey myself and well. see me get over this thing la.

haiz. but do i really wanna do this?

shit. i kinda miss her right now.

but does she miss me? i doubt so.

but she's probably slping now. slping like an angel..

yes yes. i know. this is getting adsurb and all for me.

but aiyah.

fuck. i dont know.

im like. damn jealous la. yes i know. its a possesive thing that i've yet vanquished from my hearthren days. haha. like. FUCKING SHIT! and we're not even together. no no. FUCKING SHIT. she doesn't even like me.and im feeling this way. like. WTH!. haiz.

cold turkey??

dont know if i should.

doubt if i will
fucking shit.


i shan't cont liao..

BYE! NIGHTS!






to my friend. :
hey. im not naming you here, cos well. everyone else will kill me and you. so im not disclosing ur name. and i was talking to HIM abt u guys.. but i didn't tell him anything. but. i think he has a right to know. and girl. dont do it anymore okay? it kinda hurts me as much as it hurts you. (yes people. im such an emo person. wow. betcha didn't know that right? well. you guys dont know nuts abt me. this is just one layer. got millions more.) stop la. its stupid to do it. you know it. yet you still do it. im sure your reading this. so dont okay? =) chill f-ingstupidbitch. haha. i loveeeee calling you that. =)




to you :
if your reading this, i hope you know that i really like you. yea. i really enjoy hanging out with ya and all. i kinda wish time would just stop.

but honestly. i dont think that you like me. and i dont think that you'll probably ever. so yea. i guess im just chasing something that wont be mine. but still. i'll chase, cos hopefully, i might just win ur heart. =) hopefully. fingers crossed.

but i also hope, that you'll do find your mr right. im sure he's well.. righter for you. =)






to me. love means something. and i rmb wad pastor said about love. loving someone means, doing the right thing even though its gonna hurt. and i hope i can do the right thing. im not sure if this is the RIGHT right thing right now. but. if it is. i will. even though it hurts. =)

love ya. even if you dont